If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
