I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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