i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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