Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Duck Duck Cougar?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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