i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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