Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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