Will you blow on my dice?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Randomize
