Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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