how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
