I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
