I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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