why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
