I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
