how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
