I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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