i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
