My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize