I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize