It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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