I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
