My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
