he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
