After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize