he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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