Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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