she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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