yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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