I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
