I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
