This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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