They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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