We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
