I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize