READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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