I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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