It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
