sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
