He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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