stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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