tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
