If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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