Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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