You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
