More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
