How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
