one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
