that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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