you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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