forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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