3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
