"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
