quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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