I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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