He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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