so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
