well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
