you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
