he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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