It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
