I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Houston, we have a squirter
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
