In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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