she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
