Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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