I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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